Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
