i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
