I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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