i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
