We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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