its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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