I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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