i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
