Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
