True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
