I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
