If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
