I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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