I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
