How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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