Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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