Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
