Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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