Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
