I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
