you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
