so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Found your dick twin last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
