He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
