screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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