suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
