Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
