I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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