first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I will pee on everything he values.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
