my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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