I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
