Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
