dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
