I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
