He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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