YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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