Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
are you so shy because you have an std?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
