I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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