So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want her autograph on my taint
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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