where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
