im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
