i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
