I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
