Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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