i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
