An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
