just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's Friday. Sex?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
