Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
