We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
