That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
