I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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