Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
