She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
