the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
either way he was missing a nipple.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
