Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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