Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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