that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
