she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
