My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
