so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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