she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
