Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
